My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
