My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
