ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
