Me. At least after what I've been through.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
