well you can't waste a boner
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
