I hate all girls vehemently.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
