I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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