I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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