Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
