I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize