I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
