5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
