I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
