She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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