i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
