Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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