Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
