my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize