That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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