i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
