I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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