; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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