So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
