the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm passing your future prison.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why is there bacon in the couch?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize