Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
