Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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