just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
