my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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