You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Holy shit dude........stairs
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
