So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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