I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Farmville is her only friend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize