He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
