I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
