hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
