Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
