my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
