it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
