I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
