I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
