Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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