Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
