SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
