if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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