I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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