oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
