i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
