How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
