My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
