Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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