Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
