pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the condom got lost in my hair
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just found a bag of teeth...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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