I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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