Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
