Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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