i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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