Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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