Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
