"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
