whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize