i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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