I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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