Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize