My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
