so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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