why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
did you just send me my own nude
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
