Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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