You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ladies don't puke and tell
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
